The Jewish Wedding Tradition
The wedding day is one of the happiest and holiest days in one’s life. It is considered to be a personal Yom Kippur for the bride and groom, on which all sins are forgiven. Traditionally, the couple fasts on their wedding day until after the ceremony. They also ask for forgiveness for the wrongdoings of their youth before starting a new life together with a clean slate as one complete soul.
It is said that those who attend Jewish Weddings have two obligations. The first is to bear witness to the marriage of the bride and groom. The second is to eat, dance, and rejoice while making the bride and groom as happy as possible on their wedding day.
Greeting the Bride and Groom (Kabbalat Panim)
Before the Chuppah ceremony, pre-wedding receptions are held separately for the bride and groom. The couple is compared to a king and queen on their wedding day. The bride is seated on a throne-like chair to greet her guests, who line up to receive special blessings from her and wish her well. Meanwhile, the groom attends his “Tish”, where his male family and friends sing and toast him.
It is during the Tish that the tena’im (contractual conditions) document is signed and read out loud. At the completion of this reading, it is traditional for the mothers of the bride and groom break a plate together signifying that just as breaking a plate is irreversible, so too should the engagement be. Following this moment that the Ketuba (marriage contract) is signed.
Veiling of the Bride (Bedekin)
Escorted by his family and friends, it is now time for the groom to greet his bride and place the veil over her face. While many attribute this custom dating back to the time of our forefathers (when Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah instead of Rachel), and to the time Rebecca covered her face upon first seeing Isaac, there are other ideas behind this tradition. Rabbi Shlomo Carlabach says that when the groom cover’s his bride’s face he is saying: “As beautiful as your face is, it is not the reason I am marrying you. It is because I have seen in my bride things that nobody else has seen. It is the depths of your soul that I am forever connecting with”.
The Chuppah
The wedding ceremony takes place under the Chuppah, or bridal canopy. It is a symbol of the home to be built and shared by the bride and groom. The Chuppah is open on all four sides; just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open all sides to welcome friends and relatives in unconditional hospitality.
The Chuppah is usually held outside, under the stars, as a sign of the blessing given by G-d to the patriarch Abraham that his children shall be as the stars of the heavens. It is traditional for the bride and groom to wear no jewelry under the Chuppah. Their mutual commitment to one another is based on who they are as people not on their respective material possessions.
The Chuppah ceremony is one of the holiest moments in one’s life, and is an opportune time for people to pray.
Seven Circles
The first thing the bride does when she arrives Under the Chuppah, is circle the groom seven times. Just as the world was created in seven days, the seven circles symbolize the building of the spiritual walls that will hold the marriage together, and also serves as a protection that will last throughout the couple’s lives. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.
Blessings of Betrothal (Kiddushin)
Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessing, and after it is recited, the couple drinks from the cup.
Giving of The Ring
The groom now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two witnesses, he declares to his wife, “Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel”. He then places the ring on the forefinger of his bride’s right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony, and the couple is now fully married!
According to tradition, the ring should be made of plain gold, without stones or engravings — just as it is hoped that the marriage will be one of simple beauty.
Marriage Contract (Ketubah)
Now the “Ketubah” (marriage contract) is read out loud. The Ketubah is a binding document of confidence and trust that details the husband’s obligations to his wife. His principal obligations are to provide food, shelter and clothing for his wife, and to be attentive to her emotional needs. The protection of the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed.
The reading of the Ketubah acts as a break between the first part of the
ceremony — Kiddushin (betrothal), and the latter part — Nissuin (marriage).
The Seven Blessings- Sheva Berachot
The Rabbi (or family and friends) will recite the seven wedding blessings. The first blessing is over the (second cup) wine. The second praises G-d for all of his creations. The third and fourth celebrate humanity. The fifth thanks G-d for his people in Israel. . The sixth blesses the couple’s marriage and the seventh honors the bride and groom. Following the Sheva Berachot, the couple drinks wine from the same cup to show they have begun their life together.
Breaking the Glass
The glass is now placed on the floor, and the groom shatters it with his right foot. This act recalls the destruction of the Holy Temple and our exile from Jerusalem. Breaking of the glass also represents Tikkun Olam, the Jewish responsibility to help repair the world.
Cheers of “Mazel Tov” and celebration follow the breaking of the glass. This is when the outpouring of our own love is showered upon the new couple.
Yichud
After the ceremony, the couple is immediately escorted to a private location to spend their first few moments together as husband and wife. Historically, it was a time for the bride and groom to consummate their marriage. Today, it is a time to embrace, exhale, and allow the experience to sink in. Afterwards, the newly married couple will join family and friends for a night joyous celebration.
